You've Got a Friend in Me

First of all, I'd like to thank Woody and Buzz for the title of this blog. Thanks, guys! Second, I'd just like to say that I've been reading blogs and e-mails from all my blogger buddies and a few of them seem a bit down lately. I would personally like to dedicate this beautiful blog of happy thoughts to Ryan and Jean for all the shit they've been dealing with lately. I don't want to exclude all of my other friends out there. Yes, all two of them. I've just noticed the stress and worry levels of these two friends of mine have gone on too long. Something must be done. E-mails and voice mails just can't seem to do the trick since you're not actually talking to the person. Besides, these very good friends of mine took time to dedicate an entire blog to me on my birthday. It's the least I can do.

I lived with Ryan for almost the entire stint of my college career and don't remember a single fight between the two of us. That doesn't necessarily mean we didn't argue, it just means that he probably realized I was right and apologized eventually. The closest I ever felt to Ryan in those four bonding college years was when he trusted me enough to come out to me. I remember how scared/nervous he seemed and feeling so absolutely proud of him for being honest, and being himself. I asked him if he was worried that things would change and immediately responded with, "Because they won't. Instead of harassing you about this new 'girl' your seeing, I'll be harassing you about this new 'boy.'" And that was that. You showed me an integrity that is lacking in so many people these days, and as shy as I know you are you've still never had a problem discussing situations with the ones you love.

Less than two years later, Jean joined our house of cool (though not as cold as 416 1/2 Kansas Street). The closest I felt to Jean was the night Ryan showed me one of her boobs and I told her I saw nothing so she wouldn't be embarrassed...even though I dreamt about it later. Just kidding. The actual night I felt closest to Jean was when we stayed up until 4 in the morning talking and writing the best song that's ever been written in the history of songwriting. I think we all know it by now, though it changes every time it's played: The "E" Song!!! It was a great night with a lot of fun, and no alcohol. I know, right? I learned how strong of a woman you truly are. I learned that there was nothing you couldn't do once you decided it was something you absolutely wanted to happen. I learned you had a voice like a God damn bird and wished I got you to sing more. Most importantly, I learned that we were going to be friends for a very long time.

As mushy as this blog seems to be, it actually makes me feel good just reminiscing. Like the time I cut my pinky washing the cheapest glasses Wal-mart could find and you guys found me a tampon to stop the bleeding...and then took a picture of it before taking me to emergency room. That...was...AWESOME!!!! Now, let the mushiness continue:

Dear Ryan and Jean,

I just wanted to conclude by letting you know that I admire you and respect you both so much for what you have already acomplished in your lives. I'm so grateful for our friendship and miss hanging out with you very much. When you are sad, I am sad. So don't be sad. I absolutely miss movie marathons, stupid drinking games, bad guitar playing with even worse vocal accompaniment. Hell, I even miss the smell of Spaghetti-O's in the morning. But I know we'll see each other soon and that makes me happy. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that we are not alone (not in an X-Files sort of way). Just that we can always be there for each other, even when we're miles away. Here's to good time and cheesey blogs. At the very least, I hope I made you laugh.

Love,
Leonce, Lancey Fancey Pants, Lants in the Pants...Lance.

P.S. Whenever you are feeling down just look at this...and laugh uncontrollably.

Rated "R" for Retarded

Ok, I know a lot people don't like that word, including myself, but it's true and I rarely get to quote a video game in my blog titles so leave me alone...retard.

All incorrectness aside, I'd love to get to my point. Movies now a days are all getting PG-13 ratings when they should clearly be rated R. Bruce Campbell brought this up when he spoke at the Fargo Theater after being asked what he thought about today's horror films. He thinks it's rediculous that they're getting PG-13 ratings to bring in a few million more dollars by reaching a greater target audience. No horror movie should receive less than an R rating. I agreed with everything he said that night, and agreed further last Tuesday.

For those of you who don't know, last Tuesday was the season premier of Nip/Tuck. I'm not one to get hooked on TV and start taping shows or anything, but Nip/Tuck is definately a must see show. Plus, it's on DVD so I won't have to tape it. Anyway, Nip/Tuck's season premier was almost exclusively advertised by this winter's coming attractions from Revolution Studios, or something like that. And the first one I saw was RENT. The best play I've ever seen. At the end of a rather disappointing preview I see that it's rated PG-13. What? Why? Who would do such a thing? This is a musical about sex, AIDS, homosexuality, poverty, and...New York.

So, yeah, let's bring in all you high school and junior high kids to make a few extra million dollars. Screw the deeper meaning of adult relationships in complex times of people's lives. Let's make this movie about...love. Let's preview the film with it's cheesiest, least popular song: "Season's of Love" to give that "soft" feel. You know, cause RENT was such a "soft" play with no emotion and a complete lack of real world problems. The whole preview just pissed me off.

Unfortunately, I love this show too much not to go see it (maybe I'll go to the cheap theater). With so many of the old cast revisiting their roles I can't help but feel hopeful for the film. I loved this play so much when I saw it, I wanted to make it a film myself to try and reach a greater audience. I realize there is no nudity in the play. It wasn't really violent at all. It just had a lot of adult content and swearing. Maybe I am over reacting to the PG-13 rating, and crappy preview. I haven't even seen the film yet. It's just hard for me to understand how so many people can get into this kind of business just for the money instead of using this extremely convient medium to present some kind of message to a mass audience...while entertaining them. Maybe it's the Forensicator in me who use to get ballots back saying, "Very funny, but I've heard it before," or, "Nice job, but what message are you trying to send?" I now find myself asking those questions when I judge.

What it all boils down to is the fact that I hope to make movies...someday, and when I told Bruce Campbell I wanted to go to film school he said, "Don't be the next somebody. Be the next you." Philisophical? No. Brilliant/Wise? No. It wasn't even really good advice, because I already felt that way. But it was cool that he said it. It wasn't just some line, or even something that he might of thought was the greatest advice in the world. It was just how he felt...honestly. I love how real he was, and how freakin' hilarious he was just talking to us and answering random questions. It was just nice to know there might be people in Hollywood who feel the same way I do about today's films, and I'd love to work with Mr. Campbell someday. Maybe he'll play Harry Mason in my film version of Silent Hill, which will be rated "R" for "Really fucking scary!"

Am I Dead?

In answer to this question posted by my good buddy, Ryan in his fabulous new blog: no. No, I am not dead. I'm a little busy, and just a wee bit lazy. I have had plenty to blog about, but just so little time to sit and type it out. I've barely had time to view all of your blogs. I simply put your here because I know you five are the only ones who really read my blog. I did finally catch up on all your blogs today and will graciously copy Chadley in his latest blog effort by simply listing the things that have been blog worthy in my life thus far. I must warn you, though, my bullets will be a bit lengthier.

1) Labor Day weekend (yeah, that long ago), I went to the cities and visited so many people for my birthday. Brian and I got to see Jean, and Chad at the MMC and met one of Jean's roommates. Chad had a gaping wound on his head and had no problem accepting that chicks dig scars. Jean gave me the coolest Superman shirt I've ever owned in my life (next to the one she gave me a few years ago). I got to see Ethan Scott for the first time. He and I shared a beer as he too was celebrating a birthday (3 weeks old). We received the worst service ever as we enjoyed a 3 hour meal at Columbia Heights' Buffalo Wild Wings. Ryan Dunn got his meal comped because it didn't get put in until after everyone else received our food. Kat's naked chicken was cold (probably because they were naked) and she had to go get it heated up herself. We got $20 in coupons for the horrible service, but we still had to seperate the check ourselves, which took another 20 minutes. We were so anxious to leave, I left my digital camera under my chair and I believe our server mistook it for a tip, because I'm pretty sure she kept it since they told me no one turned it in. Oh well, at least I was able to drink the loss away with a few good games of caps. I got to see Jennifer, Amanda, Jess, and Topher who I met during my 2 year stay in Wisconsin. We all had a great time at Cindy and Ryan's house after Buffalo Wild Wings. Adam and Gina gave me a Cuban cigar that they smuggled over from Mexico. I got to hang out with Stacy and Eric to try and help out with Ethan all day on Sunday. Then I got to see my big brother Pat, from the big brother big sister program that I hadn't seen in about 6 years. And I got to meet his two daughters for the first time. Hopefully pictures with all of them will come soon. Again, my camera was gone.

2) I've been at my job with U.S. Bank's service center for almost a month now, and to show their appreciation they gave me (and every other CSR) a $100 debit card to spend where ever the fuck we want! Ummm, what? The title of this blog was going to be thus:
"I got $100! I got $100! I got $100, hey hey hey hey!" As cool as that gift was, I was still a little weary about where this "extra" appreciative gift was coming from. Apparently, U.S. Bank has been doing very well this past year. Especially since June 22, when they issued the $10 phone payment fee. All these $10 phone payment fees (and pretty much any other fee) paid for our little bonus. Hmm, charge people $10 for a convience to pay employees with more incentive, or don't charge $10 fee and be one of the few credit cards to be so kind. I wrestled with it for awhile and realized people don't have to pay over the phone. Mail is practically free, internet is fee, and paying right at the branch is free. Plus, if you have a U.S. Bank account you can pay over the phone for free. I don't think that sounds bad at all. And what sounds even better: "Lance gets a new MP3 player." Yay! Have I sold out to the Man. Stay tuned for further updates...in about a month.

3) Okay, so I don't have an MP3 player yet. That's because for the past two weeks I've been interviewing for a part-time position at Best Buy only to find out they don't have any openings. Umm, why the hell did you call me in for two interviews than? WTF? Apparently they wanted me to work there. They called me in for an interview. Said I did great and wanted me to meet with the woman in charge of the Media department because my, and I quote, "talents would be wasted elsewhere." Well that sounds good. I go in for a second interview and am later told I passed with flying colors, and did better than most others who applied. From the little information I've gathered I feel the jist of it is this: I impressed them, they want me to work in a department that is currently over staffed, and before I could offer my "talents" in a different department they gave those positions to other applicants. So, now I have to wait a month to reapply/interview for a position in the Media department that may or may not be available at that time. Oooookaaayyy. That MP3 player will have to wait until I get that phat discount and extra money.

4) Finally, last night as I was hanging out with Raeanne, who is visiting friends and staying at my place this weekend, I got pulled over. I know big shocker right. No, but you know what was shocking? I got a fucking warning! What? You? A warning? No $150 ticket for speeding? No overnight stay in jail with a $400 bond? No breathalizer? What's going on? I don't know, and I don't care as long as it keeps working. I had my cruise set on 60mph in a 55 zone and thought, "You've got to be fucking kidding me. You're stopping me for 5 miles over?" The officer walks up and actually says, "Good evening, Sir." Sir? Me? Interesting. He than informs me that he clocked me at 65mph in a 55 where I gasp, "65?" He asks me how fast I thought I was going. I calmly point at my speedomoter and state, "I had my cruise set right between 55 and 60, Sir." And like that he says, "Alright, I'll just give you a warning. Just come back with me to my car for a moment." First reaction, "What? Warning? Are you serious? Woo hoo!" Second reaction, "Umm, why do I have to go in you car? This is not good." But it was. He let me sit in the front seat, was extremely polite and simply gave me a warning. I could not fucking believe it. I've said it before and I'll say it again, "Man I love being a turtle." No wait, I mean, "Man I love Fargo!"

So much writing because I finally got a break. Too bad Minnesota can't catch a break. If Cullpepper throws another interception I'm going to puthe. At least the Bison are still undefeated. Gooday all. Enjoy the rest of this horrible, horrible start to the NFL season.