Mr. Columbus, I'm sorry I ever doubted you.

I think I've embarassed Ryan enough by leaving that post for his birthday up so long. So, here's an updated blog for all you Lance hungry bloggers out there.

I just saw RENT last week and now must humbly apologize for this. I was wrong, and I am so sorry. Shan, you had it exactly right. RENT doesn't glorify sex, drugs, and violence it's just there. It's sexual content, drug content, and mild violence. I was just upset about the crappy preview showboating it as the Holiday feel good movie of the year. It certainly isn't the "feel good movie of the year," but as sad as the story gets, the message really is, "No day but today," and that always made me feel good. For some reason I thought these adult issues were way more adult than they really were. After seeing it, and loving it almost as much as that first time in New York, I feel the only reason why it would be rated R is because most teenagers probably wouldn't appreciate it as much. So why hold back. But then I saw it, and they didn't hold back (except for that onomatopoeic sex song under the sheets. That was edited out in the movie).

I expected less from Chris Columbus in directing RENT as I did Joel Schumacher's ability to direct Phantom of the Opera, and they both blew me away. I just remember Chris as the guy who directed the Home Alone movies, which are great movies, but not of the same calibur as RENT. He also did the first 2 Harry Potter movies and Stepmom, so it just seemed like he was more of a family movie type of director. And it took me a long time to forgive Joel Schumacher for ruining Batman, until I rewatched the first 2 and realized Tim Burton did a pretty good job of screwing it up in the first place.

Anyway, I realized I was just type casting these guys (which you can do to directors, not just actors). They were probably only doing specific kinds of movies because Hollywood was type casting them too. Andrew Lloyed Webber specifically chose Joel Schumacher for Phantom because of his directorial choice of music in the classic vampire 80's flick The Lost Boys. Chris Columbus could've just had a strong passion for the play RENT like Rob Marshall had for Chicago, and that's why he did such a great job. There were scenes in the film that I watched thinking, "Holy shit, that's exactly how I saw it in my head when I decided I wanted to make RENT a movie." And that's not to say that because he did what I would've done that it makes it good movie. I'm simply saying he didn't disappoint me. I loved the movie so much I bought it the next day at Best Buy. Yes, cute girl was working there. Yes, she checked me out at the register. No, I still haven't asked out. No, she hasn't seen RENT, but yes, she did laugh at me when I told her it was, "Incredible." No, I didn't invite her to come over and watch it in my one room efficiency. Yes, I'm done talking about cute girl at Best Buy.

So, to Mr. Columbus & even Mr. Schumacher:
Here's to opportunities to direct something outside your usual style to work on your versatility, and just plain making good films. Kudos, boys. Kudos.

Happy 25th to my good friend, Fudge McSkinny!

In the birthday blog tradition that was started on my 25th by some good friends of mine, I shall post humerous, possibly humiliating pictures on this birthday blog for the C-Lover, Fudge McSkinny, St Michael OG: Ryan Clover. Some of these he may have forgotten about, and that's why he has me; to remind him of these surpressed moments. Enjoy, big guy!


If I were to imagine what it was like when Ryan
first entered this world, I can only guess it
looked something similar to this:

Of course, I wasn't there, and I could be wrong but I don't
believe a shopping cart was involved. God only knows
how they did that shit in St. Michael way back then.




Instead of growing up to be a nice, strong man here we
see Ryan holding back tears as I generously give him a
Spider-man tatoo in preparation of the Spider-man premier.

Oh, yeah. It was a fake tatoo I got from some fucking
Pop Tarts. Wuss!




And here's Ryan...being Ryan.

Gross!




In case you're wondering why I look like such a badass and Ryan
looks so upset, just take a closer look at the sign between us.

You'll see Ryan is standing on the "Soft" side vs me on the "Hard" side.
That's right, ladies! Call me.






All in all, Ryan's looking better than ever. Here's one
of our many fabulous Tuesday pictures.

People have said if I was gay, we'd make a pretty cute
couple.




Until we got sick of hearing how fucking cute we are
and just didn't give a shit about it anymore.



Happy birthday you sexy beast! I hope it's a good one.

Together we've officially put the VD back in Valentine's Day

What is it about this fucking day? I had such aspirations about my blog this morning that have just dwindled into confusion and a little sadness. I've actually spent the first half of February "strategizing" on how I can start dating again so I won't be alone for Valentine's Day. Me! I fucking hate Valentine's Day! I've never once believed in this corporate, stressfilled, bitter, misrepresnted "holiday," even when I wasn't single. It's all bullshit. I know it's bullshit and yet there's this pressure, and this inescapable feeling.

I actually asked my Magic 8 Ball if I was going to make out with someone on Valentine's Day (only half joking, of course). It said yes. Than I asked it if it was the girl from Best Buy that may, or may not be flirting with me (I can never fucking tell because most of the time it's just part of their personality) and it said yes. Did I then proceed to go to Best Buy maybe just a couple more times than I needed to in hopes of catching this possibly flirtatious woman at the register? Maybe. Did it do me any good? Fuck no. But in my chickenshit defense she was actually finishing up her break and getting back on the registers just as I was leaving...BOTH TIMES! Impecable timing. Feeling discouraged, I came back to the Magic 8 Ball and asked it again. It's sources now said no. Who the fuck are these sources? Do you even have any sources or are you just basing it on my own confidence level at that time so you're always right? Who knows.

So, all day today I was thinking (hoping rather) that someone would call me and ask me to do something today so I wouldn't spend another day in my apartment alone with my fucking DVD's and guitars. Wouldn't you know it, two single guys actually call me and ask me to join them for free wings at the Ground Round. Great! I can go out to a bar that would most likely not host Valentine's Day couples, but rather single women. I won't appear creepy because I'm there with my buddies and not drinking alone. I figure we'll hang out for awhile, maybe scope the room for some chicks, or whatever it is we guys do when we're...what...on the prowl? I don't even know. And that didn't happen. I came, I had a beer, I ate free wings, and I went home to 2 new rentals from Netflix and an out of tune Fender.

Now I'm just pissed. I debate like the mother fucking Clash: "Should I stay or should I go?" Why does it matter? It didn't matter yesterday. But I want to go out. I want to so bad, but I'm scared. I wouldn't know what to do. There is a club DIRECTLY behind my apartment building that I could get painstakingly drunk at, possibly meet someone and have a good fucking night. Instead I read my friends' blogs before writing my annual VD blog. I'm not even bitter about V-Day because I don't hate people who do have someone. My mom told me yesterday that all her plans for today were a secret and Al couldn't know, and I thought it was the cutest thing ever.

I hate the whole misinterpretation of this whole day. First of all, it isn't for today, it's all fucking month. It's almost as bad as Christmas after Halloween. "Oh, New Years is over, time to get ready for Valentine's day!" Almost a month ago my supervisor at the bank asked me if I wanted to take part in a small Valentine, inner office exchange. Of course I said yes, because it's always fun to participate...and get free candy. Plus, I made a Valentine box like we used to in grade school for people to place their Valentine cards in. It said, "Lance's V-Day Box of Love...Because chicks dig bald, scrawny, white guys." And it had my top 5 V-Day pick up lines that I stole from my ADS sophmore year written on the back of it. I received several compliments from my co-workers, several of whom I hadn't even met, saying it was, cute, halarious, a riot, and down right enjoyable. It served its purpose of helping people get to know me better, and introducing me to others in my department. However, all the women who really liked it already knew me and are either married or practically married.

I'm sorry I'm rambling, but my point is this:

It really sucks that there's a day requiring you to celebrate the one you love in order to boost the economy because of the dry spell after the holidays. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the day to celebrate your relationship called your anniversary? How I feel, and how I've always felt, is that you shouldn't need one day set aside to appreciate the one you love. It shouldn't be on your anniversary, or Valentine's day, or a birthday, or whatever Day it might be. What's romantic about such a requirement? Wouldn't it feel more heartfelt if it was done just because?

"Hey, I saw this and thought of you today." or, "I really missed you today, so I did this to show you how much you mean to me." Or, God damnit why can't we just say, "I love you, and I did this because I love you so much. Not because it's Valentine's Day, not because I thought I should, but because I wanted to. Because you mean so fucking much to me I don't know what I'd do without you, and I just thought you deserved to know that." God bless those of you out there who do that.

To all my friends who are feeling down today, don't. If it wasn't for Hallmark, it'd be just like any other day. Please, God, don't feel unloved. Even though this may not be the kind of love you're looking for, I do want to say that I love you, and not because it's Valentine's Day, but because you deserve to know that.