Happy Anniversary (a.k.a. congratulations on not getting divorced)
Last Sunday was my Dad & Stepmom's anniversary, and I didn't get them anything. In just over a week it'll be Brian & Kat's, and Troy & Cathy's anniversaries. I won't get them anything either. Some people out there might think that's pretty shitty. You might think I'm being a dick and not recognizing their marriage. The truth is I just don't feel it's my place to say anything about it at all. I had nothing to do with them getting married, and especially nothing to do with them still being married after so many years. This is their day that I believe should be shared by the two of them alone. And though I know it's not the intention by any means, I feel when people send cards and wish happy anniversary a big part of that message is congratulations on making it another year & not getting divorced.
This probably sounds pretty cynicle to a lot of you out there as well, but I'm really not. I just think divorce is so common it's verging on something that's almost expected of married couples. So our society views long lasting relationships as miracles and therefore have to make a big fucking deal out of a couple staying together for 25 years...because it is a big fucking deal. It's so rare, and I find that sad.
You say right in your wedding vows, "til death do you part," but that's never expected, and that's why 10 years, 25 years, 50 years, whatever, is such a big deal. Instead of being expected by the simple fact that they got married and promised to be together forever, it's unexpected and considered a huge accomplishment to still be together after all these years.
I don't know if anyone agrees with me or not. I'm really not cynical about this at all, just disappointed that marriage is seen in this way. If I'm ever lucky enough to find someone to honestly make this life long commitment to, I wouldn't want congratulatory cards or parties from anyone. Our anniversary will be just that: ours. It will be me and her remembering the day we recognized there was no one else in the world for us but each other, not congratulating each other on making it another year. I know there are couples out there who do see it that way, and they receive cards from people who recognize that as well.
I know what you're thinking, "If this is how you feel about marriage and anniversaries than when you send a card wouldn't you be saying happy anniversary instead of congratulations on making it another year? It's not like you send birthday cards to your friends and family saying congratulations on not dying. You're celebrating their life, the day they were born."
And I would agree with you. But the difference is death is expected and, for the most part, out of our hands. Divorce shouldn't be expected as an end result of a marriage like death is the expected end result of life. Now you might all think I'm just being crazy. I don't know. I don't even know where this rant came from. Maybe it's because there's so many anniversaries in this month...and I'm going to a wedding this weekend. Whatever your thoughts are on this matter I would love to hear them. Whether you agree with me or not, whether you know me or not, I love to hear different opinions on things so feel free to post your comments at anytime.
This probably sounds pretty cynicle to a lot of you out there as well, but I'm really not. I just think divorce is so common it's verging on something that's almost expected of married couples. So our society views long lasting relationships as miracles and therefore have to make a big fucking deal out of a couple staying together for 25 years...because it is a big fucking deal. It's so rare, and I find that sad.
You say right in your wedding vows, "til death do you part," but that's never expected, and that's why 10 years, 25 years, 50 years, whatever, is such a big deal. Instead of being expected by the simple fact that they got married and promised to be together forever, it's unexpected and considered a huge accomplishment to still be together after all these years.
I don't know if anyone agrees with me or not. I'm really not cynical about this at all, just disappointed that marriage is seen in this way. If I'm ever lucky enough to find someone to honestly make this life long commitment to, I wouldn't want congratulatory cards or parties from anyone. Our anniversary will be just that: ours. It will be me and her remembering the day we recognized there was no one else in the world for us but each other, not congratulating each other on making it another year. I know there are couples out there who do see it that way, and they receive cards from people who recognize that as well.
I know what you're thinking, "If this is how you feel about marriage and anniversaries than when you send a card wouldn't you be saying happy anniversary instead of congratulations on making it another year? It's not like you send birthday cards to your friends and family saying congratulations on not dying. You're celebrating their life, the day they were born."
And I would agree with you. But the difference is death is expected and, for the most part, out of our hands. Divorce shouldn't be expected as an end result of a marriage like death is the expected end result of life. Now you might all think I'm just being crazy. I don't know. I don't even know where this rant came from. Maybe it's because there's so many anniversaries in this month...and I'm going to a wedding this weekend. Whatever your thoughts are on this matter I would love to hear them. Whether you agree with me or not, whether you know me or not, I love to hear different opinions on things so feel free to post your comments at anytime.
posted by L-Kapitan | 11:33 AM
1 Comments:
Lance
I don't find any of this odd coming from you (Kaptain Anti Valentine's Day). But you make some very excellent points. I agree that anniversaries are really for the couple and not their friends and family. I do buy my parents anniversary presents but that is because I am so close to them and was actually in their wedding.
The point of an anniversary should be "this is the day we pledged our love to God and all of our friends and family" not "add another chalk line to the marriage wall!"
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