The Benefits of Being Bald (other than great alliteration for a blog title)
"Benefits of being bald!? I had no idea there were any!" Well, there aren't. Unless, of course you can make fun of it and get great deals on a hair cut. Booya! So yeah, I went to Great Clips to get a great clip today. Mostly because I didn't know what the hell I alone could do with the little hair I have left on my rapidly receding hairline. And because I's gots to look good for AFA! Can I get a whoop whoop?! No? Fine, here's the rest of my story:
As I sit down in the cozy little chair and get draped by an oversized, nylon bib I truthfully tell the stylist why I am there.
Me: "I don't know what you can really do with what you have to work with here, but I just need something done for this weekend. Usually, I go with the number 2 clippers on the back and sides and finger length on top. But let's face it, there's barely finger-length hair anywhere on top."
Stylist: "Yeah, there's not a lot to cut up here, but I'll see what I can do."
Me: "Thanks."
I must say, for a stylist at Great Clips she was pretty quiet. Which is fine by me because hair cuts feel like head messages and I just like to close my eyes and enjoy it. However, as she was cutting my hair (literally one hair) I jokingly asked her if they give discounts to bald guys since they don't have to cut as much. She giggled a little bit (probably because she wanted me) and said no, but they should. Then I said it would probably be hard for them to ask some men if they would like the "Bald Man's Discount." She giggled again and touched my shoulder. I can't really say if she was flirting with me because A) Just because someone's being nice to me and/or thinks I'm funny, doesn't mean they want to do me, B) I'm not exactly a flirt myself because I think it's quite obvious I would have no idea what I was doing, and C) They kind of work for tips. Besides, I had no interest in this woman because she was like 40. And everyone knows if I'm going to date a 40 year old it's gonna be Donna O'Brien! Double booya!!
After my hair cut was done (30 seconds later) she mentioned my bald man discount joke and giggled again. Then she told me that everyone else has come in with a coupon tonight so she'd give me the same discount even though I didn't have the coupon. I said thanks, tipped her the usual $2 tip and went out into the pouring rain so the gel she put in my hair to make me appear less bald simply washed away. That's the first (and most likely last) benefit I can find to being bald...and having a sense of humor about it.
P.S. I weighed myself at the gym today and discovered 3 new pounds. I know. I'm huge.
As I sit down in the cozy little chair and get draped by an oversized, nylon bib I truthfully tell the stylist why I am there.
Me: "I don't know what you can really do with what you have to work with here, but I just need something done for this weekend. Usually, I go with the number 2 clippers on the back and sides and finger length on top. But let's face it, there's barely finger-length hair anywhere on top."
Stylist: "Yeah, there's not a lot to cut up here, but I'll see what I can do."
Me: "Thanks."
I must say, for a stylist at Great Clips she was pretty quiet. Which is fine by me because hair cuts feel like head messages and I just like to close my eyes and enjoy it. However, as she was cutting my hair (literally one hair) I jokingly asked her if they give discounts to bald guys since they don't have to cut as much. She giggled a little bit (probably because she wanted me) and said no, but they should. Then I said it would probably be hard for them to ask some men if they would like the "Bald Man's Discount." She giggled again and touched my shoulder. I can't really say if she was flirting with me because A) Just because someone's being nice to me and/or thinks I'm funny, doesn't mean they want to do me, B) I'm not exactly a flirt myself because I think it's quite obvious I would have no idea what I was doing, and C) They kind of work for tips. Besides, I had no interest in this woman because she was like 40. And everyone knows if I'm going to date a 40 year old it's gonna be Donna O'Brien! Double booya!!
After my hair cut was done (30 seconds later) she mentioned my bald man discount joke and giggled again. Then she told me that everyone else has come in with a coupon tonight so she'd give me the same discount even though I didn't have the coupon. I said thanks, tipped her the usual $2 tip and went out into the pouring rain so the gel she put in my hair to make me appear less bald simply washed away. That's the first (and most likely last) benefit I can find to being bald...and having a sense of humor about it.
P.S. I weighed myself at the gym today and discovered 3 new pounds. I know. I'm huge.
posted by L-Kapitan | 8:14 PM
3 Comments:
Woah fatty! 3 new pounds??? That's it, you're walking to Kansas. And if you start dating my mom, are you gonna be my new step-daddy? Cuz that'd be weird.
Dearest Lance:
First of all, I pretty much just laughed out loud for the last 3 minutes I was reading this.
Not at you baldness. At this funny funny blog. That hairstylist ho TOTALLY wanted you. Put her hand on your shoulder? Remember when TS did that to me? And now WE'RE getting married.
Can't wait to see you tonight. Please do Shan's mom. You're sleeping in her room. And then Shan can be like, "my new step-dad is such a DICK! But he buys me beer, and I have a picture of him in a shirt that says 'Lants in the pants.'" Remember that shirt? I was looking through my pictures the other day and I found it and I just stared at it and laughed for 10 minutes straight. Lants in the pants.
Hey Tubbo! 3 pounds?? You're beating me already. I believe I have gained precisely uno (that's "one", for you non-Spanish speakers) pounds since Spring Break. And bikini season only two months away!
Please notify me how the "Love Handles" project is coming along, especially when it comes to casting it. I could be the stud that Bridget's dating--the antagonist, if you will....or another skinny bitch in the gym. Your call.
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