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Location: Minneapolis, MN, United States

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Sneaky Little Snacks!

Really I'm just writing this blog to satisfy my insistent fellow scriber J.M.P.--which is basically Jump without the "u" because "u" all want to Jump on Jean...Booya! Now that that pesky intro is out of the way we can finally get down to business.

So, I was at work today (of course) and I didn't get a single break in my 10 hour shift to eat (of course). However, knowing what a busy day Tuesdays can be I decided to bring along my very own ginormous box of Gold Fish baked snack crackers. Mmmmm, that was the best tasting idea I've ever had. As I was chomping away at these, not so much gold but orangish fish, I truly noticed the ever present smile that's always advertised in their commercials. They all had smiles. Even the ones that were fused together like Siamese fish, or the ones that had a hole in them and looked like the hook caught 'em right in the eye and just popped it right out. Eye gone, smile still there.

With the option of helping a customer with a stupid question or pondering to myself, of course I pondered and started questioning why something that's only purpose is to be eaten would be smiling at me until I wiped it off it's face with my mastication. And then I saw it. There in the box was a broken gold fish--split right down the middle into a right and left side...both with smiles. What shocked me was what was in between these two sides: NOTHING! It was hollow! Those dirty little snacks with their round bellies inferring substantial filling were full of nothing! I couldn't believe it! I was outraged! I felt violated...in a bad way. And then, I saw that cute little smile and realized something. They got me. Those sneaky little fish pulled a fast one on me...and they knew it. That's why Gold Fish are in a league all their own and Cheezits and Cheese Nips will always have to compete for the number two spot. And we all know that number two is shit! And that's exactly what I did right after I finished the entire box.

Peace out,
L-Kapitan

P.S. Gold Fish are so cool they even have their own website! Check it out: www.pfgoldfish.com
Later.

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