Why I love Fargo (the city, not that crappy, crappy movie!)
For those of you out there in cyberland who do know me know that I am not ashamed to say that yes, I am from Fargo, ND. I love Fargo. I hated the movie, but the town is the shit. Fargo is in North Dakota (The little red state just above South Dakota). Yes, there are two separate Dakotas. Just so you know.
Fargo has always felt more like Minnesota than North Dakota to me, though. We're the biggest city in ND, yet we're not the capital. If we were just a little closer to the Twin Cities they might be called the triplet cities because we too have our own dome. It's called the Fargo Dome, but I'm sure we'd have no problem selling out and calling it the Marshal Field's Dome or the AT&T Dome, or something like that. Since the Metradome already takes care of all the sporting events we'd just be another Target/Xcel Energy center. I love it when I tell people that Fargo has over 175,000 people and is constantly growing. People here are all like, "Wow, that's almost as big as Madison!" And my response is, "Yes, and next month the Indians hope to obtain electricity." These people have never been to the great plains that is Fargo. Oh yeah, and calling it the Great Plains, or the Red River Valley for that matter sure doesn't help people's perceptions of our lovely city. Especially when some women refer to their period as the Red River. Gross!
When I tell people to visit before they judge, it's usually in the summertime because that's when all the action happens. People don't do anything in the winter because they might die. Not just because it's below zero most of the time but also because it's hunting season. A season which allows some uneducated, lack of personal hygiene and common sense dimwit to not only carry, but use a high powered weapon. Not that all hunters are stupid, just the ones who mistake people for deer...Hello!? Otherwise, you could go sledding and do random front flips into the four foot marshmallow cushion that is snow in your backyard...but that's about it. In the summer time, though...whew is there stuff to do like...........um...........uh...........the uh.............construction's fun, right?
Oh wait, there's a Red Hawks game (which is the only semi-professional sport we have in Fargo so it's pretty damn sweet). If baseball isn't your cup of tea than go back to Britain where tea is your cup of tea. What? Uh, you could frequent one of two fairs that come around for about a week in July. You could go to the street fair which is a fair that takes place in the street, duh. It's actually pretty cool if you like to eat a lot of food that's not good for you...at all! And Lord knows I loves me some pork on a stick! Or you could attend the Red River Valley Fair that is almost like the street fair, but it's in a ginormous parking lot and when you're done eating the fatty foods here you can go on a ride to vomit them up and then go eat some more. It's great for bulimics everywhere. There's also live music that's either a washed up 80's band (Poison is still the shit, though because every rose really does have a thorn), or a non-washed up country singer like Tim McGraw (who apparently is really hot. I don't see it).
Speaking of fatty overpriced foods, the Rib Fest always comes to town to charge $8 for a basket of all taste and no meat. Here's a festival of dead pigs waiting to be sampled by all who dare to spend $40 for one meal. It's held at none other than our very own Fargo Dome. Not in the Dome of course, that'd be too classy for those rib guys. No, no this takes place right outside the dome in it's scenic.............parking lot? Well, what do expect from a festival hosted by a bunch of carneys who can cook.
Fargo also has a zoo. The Red River Valley Zoo, or the "great big farm for kids to torcher sheep and goats and horses and maybe even a cow here and there" zoo. Oh yeah, we also have camels. Yeah I know. How at home they must feel in the desert that is North Dakota. WTF?
Okay, so maybe I am making fun of Fargo, but no matter what you all think of it, it is my home and I am damn proud to say so. I only wish it could've landed on the other side of the river. Stay tuned to find out why, as much as I love Fargo, North Dakota is getting more and more on my nerves!
Peace out,
L-Kapitan
Fargo has always felt more like Minnesota than North Dakota to me, though. We're the biggest city in ND, yet we're not the capital. If we were just a little closer to the Twin Cities they might be called the triplet cities because we too have our own dome. It's called the Fargo Dome, but I'm sure we'd have no problem selling out and calling it the Marshal Field's Dome or the AT&T Dome, or something like that. Since the Metradome already takes care of all the sporting events we'd just be another Target/Xcel Energy center. I love it when I tell people that Fargo has over 175,000 people and is constantly growing. People here are all like, "Wow, that's almost as big as Madison!" And my response is, "Yes, and next month the Indians hope to obtain electricity." These people have never been to the great plains that is Fargo. Oh yeah, and calling it the Great Plains, or the Red River Valley for that matter sure doesn't help people's perceptions of our lovely city. Especially when some women refer to their period as the Red River. Gross!
When I tell people to visit before they judge, it's usually in the summertime because that's when all the action happens. People don't do anything in the winter because they might die. Not just because it's below zero most of the time but also because it's hunting season. A season which allows some uneducated, lack of personal hygiene and common sense dimwit to not only carry, but use a high powered weapon. Not that all hunters are stupid, just the ones who mistake people for deer...Hello!? Otherwise, you could go sledding and do random front flips into the four foot marshmallow cushion that is snow in your backyard...but that's about it. In the summer time, though...whew is there stuff to do like...........um...........uh...........the uh.............construction's fun, right?
Oh wait, there's a Red Hawks game (which is the only semi-professional sport we have in Fargo so it's pretty damn sweet). If baseball isn't your cup of tea than go back to Britain where tea is your cup of tea. What? Uh, you could frequent one of two fairs that come around for about a week in July. You could go to the street fair which is a fair that takes place in the street, duh. It's actually pretty cool if you like to eat a lot of food that's not good for you...at all! And Lord knows I loves me some pork on a stick! Or you could attend the Red River Valley Fair that is almost like the street fair, but it's in a ginormous parking lot and when you're done eating the fatty foods here you can go on a ride to vomit them up and then go eat some more. It's great for bulimics everywhere. There's also live music that's either a washed up 80's band (Poison is still the shit, though because every rose really does have a thorn), or a non-washed up country singer like Tim McGraw (who apparently is really hot. I don't see it).
Speaking of fatty overpriced foods, the Rib Fest always comes to town to charge $8 for a basket of all taste and no meat. Here's a festival of dead pigs waiting to be sampled by all who dare to spend $40 for one meal. It's held at none other than our very own Fargo Dome. Not in the Dome of course, that'd be too classy for those rib guys. No, no this takes place right outside the dome in it's scenic.............parking lot? Well, what do expect from a festival hosted by a bunch of carneys who can cook.
Fargo also has a zoo. The Red River Valley Zoo, or the "great big farm for kids to torcher sheep and goats and horses and maybe even a cow here and there" zoo. Oh yeah, we also have camels. Yeah I know. How at home they must feel in the desert that is North Dakota. WTF?
Okay, so maybe I am making fun of Fargo, but no matter what you all think of it, it is my home and I am damn proud to say so. I only wish it could've landed on the other side of the river. Stay tuned to find out why, as much as I love Fargo, North Dakota is getting more and more on my nerves!
Peace out,
L-Kapitan
posted by L-Kapitan | 3:23 PM
1 Comments:
Lance--
Update your blog. I get sick every time I come here to read something funny and new and then are forced to read about Fargo. Again.
Surely, I jest. Fargo is the only somewhat decent thing in ND.
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