Go "F" Yourself Movies! (What the Blog?)!
What the Blog indeed! I have been f-in' around this f-in' website for the last hour trying to post this new blog along with my first blog like Miss Bloggy Blog Blog Princess Prokott over there with all of her blogs up the blog! Whew. Blog is my new favorite cuss word. It bloggin' blogs! Maybe I should start a "What the Blog" page of the week where every week I just write out something that really blogs me off. And I have to use the word blog as a swear word at least 10 times in the paragraph. Oh wait, that's what the whole blog website is for--blogging complaints. Hold on, one of my fat cats is snoring/purring curled up in the fetal position on my lap right now like a wee little baby.
Ok, so the what the blog comment for this week will be the NO MORE LATE FEEs latest piece of shit idea from corporate America that is Blockbuster. Instead of extending rental periods and lowering prices we'll just completely get rid of personal responsibility all together and not hold anyone accountable for anything! Sure the movie is due back in two days so that someone else in the world can watch it sometime this week, but you know what if you want to keep forever, you go right ahead. Oh and when you're charged the full price of the movie because we never think you're going to bring it back...just bring it back and we'll gladly refund you're money so you come back and rip us off again. Thank you and have a nice day you blogging blogger! My fellow co-worker and I have gotten so fed up with stupid customers lately (inferring that there might actually be intelligent customers out there...somewhere) We've decided to open our own movie store called Go F Yourself Movies! For those of you who don't mind the swears please feel free to insert the word FUCK every time the capital letter F appears in this blog. Here's how a typical visit might play through at Go F Yourself Movies:
1) The complete lack of taste customer asks for the movie Freddy Got Fingered, The Perfect Score, Get Carter, The Pledge, or any other Godforsaken movie that somehow got made. We inform that we don't carry crap and then tell them to go F themselves.
2) The illiterate customer asks for a specific good title like The Usual Suspects. We tell them it's in the Drama/Suspense section and if they can't find it because they don't know their F-in' alphabet we tell them to go F themselves.
3) Another illiterate customer returns a movie from another store that not only has a completely different name and location written directly on the box, but is also in completely different colors. We call them ignorant illiterate zipperheads who need to do the world a favor by dumbing down just a bit so maybe they can kill themselves out of stupidity and stop annoying innocent retailers. Then we tell them to go F themselves.
4) The final illiterate customer comes to the counter with the movie cover box in hand and asks if we have any copies of "this" in stock. We teach them the importance of education by "showing" them the exit sign, tell them not to come back until they've learned how to read, and then tell them to go F themselves.
5) The too busy to open an F'in case customer returns an empty case. We charge them a late fee, tell them they're retarded, and to go F themselves.
6) The lazy phone shopper customer asks for 87 movie titles, what our prices are, what came out in the past two months, and "what's good there?" We cut them off and inform them of our on-line rental option that might be more appropriate for such a lazy piece of shit like themselves. They thank us and we say, "No problem. Now, go F yourself."
8) The other lazy fat ass customer places a title behind a cover box that does not even closely resemble the title of the movie. We check the security camera to find out who placed it there, find that person, explain the fundamentals of reading and benefits of physical activity such as walking, tell them to put the movie back where it belongs and to go F themselves.
7) The clumsy customer comes along and knocks over a bunch of movies because they are either a: Wasted. b: Haven't learned how to walk yet. c: Lacking in parental supervision, or d: Just plain retarded. We ask them not so nicely to pick up their F'in mess, get the F out of our store and to go F themselves.
9) The criminal customer coming in to get free movies by sticking them in their oversized coat pockets comes in to rip us off. We catch them, beat the living crap out of them until they pass out and give us time to call the cops. We have them arrested, videotape their anal rape in prison, publish it on our Go F Yourself Blog, and actually don't tell them to go F themselves because someone by the name of Nasty Nate has already done so by making them his bitch.
10) The cheapskate, irresponsible customer bitches about their $80 late fee for a movie that was rented three months ago and still hasn't been returned. We make them pay the $80 late fee. Then we tell them to go to Blockbuster, because they don't have late fees. Oh yeah, and when we hand them their change we say, "Here's your change. Why don't you use it to buy a dildo and go F yourself!"
That's the basic idea of Go F yourself Movies. The back room is in the back. The new release wall is along the wall. The old stuff is everywhere else. So please check your illiteracy and lack of common sense at the door. And if you have a whiney/screaming kid who should be in bed because it's after 9 pm, and you let the little bastard do whatever it wants, get the F out of our store and Go F Yourself! Anyone interested we'll be hiring early 2006! References needed, prior experience not.
Peace out!
Ok, so the what the blog comment for this week will be the NO MORE LATE FEEs latest piece of shit idea from corporate America that is Blockbuster. Instead of extending rental periods and lowering prices we'll just completely get rid of personal responsibility all together and not hold anyone accountable for anything! Sure the movie is due back in two days so that someone else in the world can watch it sometime this week, but you know what if you want to keep forever, you go right ahead. Oh and when you're charged the full price of the movie because we never think you're going to bring it back...just bring it back and we'll gladly refund you're money so you come back and rip us off again. Thank you and have a nice day you blogging blogger! My fellow co-worker and I have gotten so fed up with stupid customers lately (inferring that there might actually be intelligent customers out there...somewhere) We've decided to open our own movie store called Go F Yourself Movies! For those of you who don't mind the swears please feel free to insert the word FUCK every time the capital letter F appears in this blog. Here's how a typical visit might play through at Go F Yourself Movies:
1) The complete lack of taste customer asks for the movie Freddy Got Fingered, The Perfect Score, Get Carter, The Pledge, or any other Godforsaken movie that somehow got made. We inform that we don't carry crap and then tell them to go F themselves.
2) The illiterate customer asks for a specific good title like The Usual Suspects. We tell them it's in the Drama/Suspense section and if they can't find it because they don't know their F-in' alphabet we tell them to go F themselves.
3) Another illiterate customer returns a movie from another store that not only has a completely different name and location written directly on the box, but is also in completely different colors. We call them ignorant illiterate zipperheads who need to do the world a favor by dumbing down just a bit so maybe they can kill themselves out of stupidity and stop annoying innocent retailers. Then we tell them to go F themselves.
4) The final illiterate customer comes to the counter with the movie cover box in hand and asks if we have any copies of "this" in stock. We teach them the importance of education by "showing" them the exit sign, tell them not to come back until they've learned how to read, and then tell them to go F themselves.
5) The too busy to open an F'in case customer returns an empty case. We charge them a late fee, tell them they're retarded, and to go F themselves.
6) The lazy phone shopper customer asks for 87 movie titles, what our prices are, what came out in the past two months, and "what's good there?" We cut them off and inform them of our on-line rental option that might be more appropriate for such a lazy piece of shit like themselves. They thank us and we say, "No problem. Now, go F yourself."
8) The other lazy fat ass customer places a title behind a cover box that does not even closely resemble the title of the movie. We check the security camera to find out who placed it there, find that person, explain the fundamentals of reading and benefits of physical activity such as walking, tell them to put the movie back where it belongs and to go F themselves.
7) The clumsy customer comes along and knocks over a bunch of movies because they are either a: Wasted. b: Haven't learned how to walk yet. c: Lacking in parental supervision, or d: Just plain retarded. We ask them not so nicely to pick up their F'in mess, get the F out of our store and to go F themselves.
9) The criminal customer coming in to get free movies by sticking them in their oversized coat pockets comes in to rip us off. We catch them, beat the living crap out of them until they pass out and give us time to call the cops. We have them arrested, videotape their anal rape in prison, publish it on our Go F Yourself Blog, and actually don't tell them to go F themselves because someone by the name of Nasty Nate has already done so by making them his bitch.
10) The cheapskate, irresponsible customer bitches about their $80 late fee for a movie that was rented three months ago and still hasn't been returned. We make them pay the $80 late fee. Then we tell them to go to Blockbuster, because they don't have late fees. Oh yeah, and when we hand them their change we say, "Here's your change. Why don't you use it to buy a dildo and go F yourself!"
That's the basic idea of Go F yourself Movies. The back room is in the back. The new release wall is along the wall. The old stuff is everywhere else. So please check your illiteracy and lack of common sense at the door. And if you have a whiney/screaming kid who should be in bed because it's after 9 pm, and you let the little bastard do whatever it wants, get the F out of our store and Go F Yourself! Anyone interested we'll be hiring early 2006! References needed, prior experience not.
Peace out!
posted by L-Kapitan | 1:46 PM
2 Comments:
To whom it may concern:
Please send us two applications as soon as possible. We have been F'ed over by Blockbuster's corporate bs too many times now and need a new job. We've had too many run-ins with mentally challenged and incompentent customers who ask too many idiotic questions.
We are two very well qualified "Customer Service Representatives" (fondly known as CSRs)and would like the opportunity to tell people to go F themselves. We have been practicing and believe we will be a ginormous asset to your company.
Please help!
Sincerely,
Radio and Lil'Red
PS. You are not open on any weekends, holidays, sunny days or any other days that are inappropriate for movie watching, are you?
Yes, of course we'll be closed holidays, weekends and any other time that I damn we'll please.
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